Do I Look Like A Dog???

Ladies, have you ever seen a cute guy -- either from across the room, or walking down the street -- the two of you make eye contact, you start thinking about the possibilities, and then he pulls one of those, "eh, let me talk to you for a minute" (while giving you the finger motion to come here), or worse, the head nod that is supposed to be your signal to approach him?

This happened to me the other day. I was walking down the street with two friends and a guy stepped out of his souped-up Escalade and did the whole "come here for a minute"-thing. I don't get it. Was I supposed to be impressed with his truck and want to come talk to him? As my friends and I discussed, it probably wasn't even his truck!!! But I digress -- maybe some hoodrat would've been impressed and responded to his inappropriate gesture; but again, any woman who is about something wouldn't respond to that.

Now I know there are many men who know better than to pull some mess like that. But for those who don't know any better, let me take this opportunity to "learn" you on some thangs.

First of all, I know your mommas taught you better than to act like that. It is not only rude, but also disrespectful to motion for or call out for a woman like she is a dog. Last time I checked, I didn't have four legs or a tail, so act like you have some home training.

Second of all, any woman who has some self-respect about her is not going to respond to that mess!!! Sure, if all you want is some hoodrat or chick with low self-esteem, then that's definitely the way to go about deciphering those women from those of us who respect ourselves. However, if you're really trying to find a quality woman, you may want to lose that wack-a@@ rap, and step up your game a bit.

But ladies, don't think you're off the hook. As I said a few weeks ago, men only do what you allow them to do. Obviously, some of you are falling for that crap. Here's the thing, STOP FALLING FOR THAT CRAP, and men will stop doing it.

Hey, maybe it's just me. Perhaps other women like to be treated like dogs. Either way, I feel like I need to walk around with a sign on my forehead saying I don't respond to head nods or finger curls.

--Notta

Do Snitches Really Get Stitches?

"[I]t's not in [Yayo's] character to speak to the authorities." -- Tony Yayo's attorney speaking in response to questions about his client's knowledge relating to the killing of Busta Rhymes' security guard outside of Busta's video shoot.

For years, the saying "Snitches Get Stitches" has been used as a way of enforcing/confirming (however you want to look at it) the fact that black folks generally don't report crimes that occur in our neighborhoods. Historically, when crimes are committed in our neighborhoods, we turn our heads and act like we didn't see anything. Why is that? Is it because we are afraid of retaliation? Or is it because we just don't like the police? Either way, I think it's a topic that needs to be addressed. In this case, is silence really golden, or is honesty the best policy?

I can only imagine how the family of a murder victim feels knowing that there are people out there who know what happened to their family member, but who refuse to come forward with that information. If it were me, of course I would want to know everything about the murder, and would want the persons responsible prosecuted. But if the shoe was on the other foot, and I had bore witness to a murder, I can't say for sure that I would be willing to come forward with that information.

What responsibility, if any, do we have to each other to report the crimes that we witness, be they major or minor? Of course it's easy for those of us who no longer live on the block to say that those who do should report the various drug deals, gang activity, and whatever other crimes plague the neighborhood. We don't have to live around and see these people everyday. But by not reporting even the most minor crimes, I think we jeopardize our ability to complain about the status of our neighborhoods. We have to take it upon ourselves to be responsible for the things that occur in our neighborhoods. And we have to stop hiding behind fear and the police to do so.

Just my two cents.

--Notta

Brothas, Just Because You Can, Doesn't Mean You Should -- Part II of II on Black Relationships

I LOVE BLACK MEN!!!! I think you are the sexiest men on earth. From a historical standpoint, black men (with black women by their side) have endured slavery, beatings and segregation, and continue to endure the prejudicial attitudes and behaviors of this country. Yet, you continue to better yourselves and continue to demonstrate to the rest of the world that black men can do anything that men of other races can do, and even better. Physically, I love black men's chocolate smooth skin, full lips, and that natural "swagger" that you all have about yourselves. (You know what I'm talking about!) :)

However, it seems that you, my brothas, have taken for granted the appreciation that black women have for you. This is evidenced by the number of you married brothas who constantly and consistently try to get me to participate in your adulterous behavior. This is also evidenced by the behavior of many of those "available professional black men" I referenced in last week's entry. (Yes, emphasis on professional.) The men who fall into that category of "available professional black men" know that they are limited in quantity, which consequently, makes them a hot commodity. And as I stated last week, black women realize that black men are hard to come by, and for the sake of having/keeping a man, they allow themselves to be treated poorly.

But my brothas, it is time that you all stand up and be accountable for your behavior. Here's a newsflash for you: JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN DO SOMETHING, DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD DO IT! Just because a woman may be willing to forgive your indiscretions, does not give you a rite of passage to cheat. On the flipside, if you are married and a woman throws herself at you, act like you have some sense and stop acting like your bodily urges are just too much for you to control. If you come across a sista with self-esteem problems, either leave her alone or try to get her some help. But please stop taking advantage of and playing on her insecurities.

Undoubtedly, someone will respond to this and say that black women encounter these problems because we only want to date the tall, good looking, athletically fit brothas. (As someone did last week.) And back in the day, I may have agreed with that statement; however, that theory has no applicability in black relationships today. I know quite a few women who have been played by that unsuspecting brotha. (You know, the one who is a little overweight, or the one who is not the best looking, or the one who doesn't make a lot of money.)

My brothas, I need to you to honor your sistas. I need you to stop mistreating and disrepecting black women. Black women have been and continue to be the backbone of the black family. Honor us, love us, treat us like the queens that we are. Stop the cheating, stop the controlling behavior, and stop disrespecting. How would you feel if a man treated your mother, your sister, or your daughter, the way that you treat us?

--Notta

Girlfriend, He Doesn't Care About You!!!!! -- Part I of II on Black Relationships

My sista, my girlfriend, my ace boom, I just have to say it, he does not care about you!!!! So stop throwing yourself at him, stop thinking you can change what you deem "his bad habits," and for goodness sake -- please stop trying to use sex to control him.

I apologize in advance for this lengthy entry, but there is much to say about this subject. This is Part I of a two-part series in which I address black relationships. Yes, these words are applicable to the masses of women -- regardless of race or nationality -- but again, I'm addressing my sistas (all sistas, even the groupies and golddiggers). However, my brothas, please don't think that you are off the hook. Part II will address the behavior of black men in the dating game. But for now, I'm focusing on my girls.

Black women are beautiful, intelligent, regal, and inspiring creatures. From the days that our ancestors were pickin' cotton in the cotton fields, we have held down our households by serving as the backbone of our families, and carrying ourselves with both dignity and grace. We take care of our business by pursuing our careers and raising our children at the same time (many times without the assistance of a man).

So why is it that so many of us sell ourselves short by "entertaining" men who do not have our best interests at heart? Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking "at" you all, I'm talking "with" you, because I have been there too. We've all been there. The question is: at what point do you start to value yourself, and realize that you deserve better?

I used to live in Washington D.C., a.k.a. "Chocolate City," where professional black people abound. Women who have never lived in D.C. always have the impression that because there are so many professional black men there, the dating options are endless. However, just the opposite is true. Sure D.C. has a much bigger selection of professional black men than most cities, but it also has a much much bigger selection of professional black women. I always give people this scenario: you start off with a pool of professional black men -- take away those who are married, those who are gay, and those who don't date sistas, and you are left with an even smaller pool of "available" professional black men. (Yes, emphasis on "available.") Contrast that with the plethora of available professional black women (which is evidenced by the huge numbers of sistas in college compared to brothas), and you're left with a large discrepancy in numbers. Because of this shortage in available professional black men, too many of us "settle" for men who are bad for us just to be able to say we have a man. Yet, that same man is out with LaToya, LaTonya, LaKeisha, and everybody else and their mama -- when he should be at home with his woman.

But tsk, tsk ladies. NEWSFLASH -- a man will only do what you allow him to do. Stop letting him treat you like you are disposable. You not only de-value yourself by doing that, but you make it hard on those of us who choose to be alone rather than deal with unnecessary drama from a man. Because you allow him to cheat on you, sleep with you and then go home to wifey, and generally disrespect you -- and then let him back in your heart and your bed, you diminish yourself and diminish the value of black women in general. Why would a man put up with a strong woman with values and standards, when he knows with you he can do as he pleases and still come home? STOP IT! Stop doing it to yourself, and stop doing it to the rest of us. I'm sick of hearing you complain about how your man doesn't treat you right, yet that fool is always up in your bed. Just stop it, he doesn't care about you, and you know it.

Black women, we need to take back our power and strength. We have to learn how to value ourselves again. We have to be able to recognize men who are bad for us, and leave them alone. We cannot continue to diminish our value by settling for men who constantly break our spirits and minds. We have to recognize when a man does not care about us, and choose to leave him alone. The longer we continue to accept lying, cheating, and disrespectful men in our beds, the longer we continue to de-value the honor and grace with which black women have guided their families throughout time.

--Notta