***To gain perspective into this entry, you must have first viewed the video being referenced. If you have not received an email titled "Tired Black Man," and have not viewed the video contained therein, please click here before reading any further.***
Tired black man? Hmmm. He's right, he is tired, just not in the way he thinks. He's tired because he just perpetuates the stereotype that black women are angry and bitter. He's tired because he perpetuates that stereotype without considering the wrongs black women have suffered (and continue to suffer) at the hands of black men. He's tired because he thinks his worth is based on the financial security he has provided for his family, rather than the emotional support that his family really needs.
The website www.tiredblackman.com says, "Now It's Black Men's Turn To Exhale." Like I've said in the past, I love black men, but ya'll can be some of the most dense people on earth. As I have had to explain to many a man in the past, "Waiting to Exhale" was not a movie with four black women bashing black men. Rather, it focused on the bad decisions that women make in life, including their bad decisions about men. So perhaps our "Tired Black Man" is just tired because he keeps picking the wrong women.
To the "Tired Black Man" and all the men out there who are like him, it sounds like YOU are the ones who are bitter. It sounds like you are trying to pawn off your poor judgment and bad decision-making skills on women, rather than taking accountability for your own actions.
By the way -- before the comments start -- unlike the sistas in the video, I DO have a man.
--Notta
5 comments:
tryin2learn -- You sound quite bitter yourself. I realize you are "tryin2learn" so let me see if I can assist you with that.
First, the words "love" and "dense" are not incongruous, meaning, they are not inconsistent with each other. I can love someone, while still recognizing that person may act dense at times.
Second, sometimes you have to look beyond the face of something to get the real meaning. By saying that he was tired of coming home to drama, and that he wanted to come home to a peaceful house (and then cut to the white woman sitting in the car), implies that he could not find that peace with a black woman, but had to turn to a white woman to find it. Now if you read carefully, my entry did not chastise him for dating a white woman, it chastised him (and the video) for pertuating stereotypes about black women.
Third, to address your question "what type of disrespect did James do to Tonya," the answer is that we don't know -- which further supports my comments. We cannot look at the contempt that Tonya holds for James in a vacuum. He may have cheated on her, or disrespected her in some other way. My point was aimed at addressing the reasons why Tonya has such contempt for him. But the fact that he supported her financially doesn't mean he was taking care of his responsibilities, or that her contempt for him is unfounded.
Lastly, as for the last sentence in your comment, I'm not really sure what you are saying as the sentence is intelligible; so perhaps you can elaborate.
--Notta
I just noticed two typos in my last comment:
3rd paragraph, last sentence -- insert "perpetuating" instead of "pertuating"
Last paragraph -- insert "UNINTELLIGIBLE" instead of "intelligible"
I saw that horrible clip last month. I don't have a problem with interracial dating when it's for love. But I do have a problem with this film. You can see that the person who wrote this "dense" piece of work really does not have a lick of creativity. The screenplay reads like a 8th grader wrote it. I am so tired of these filmakers not bringing the extra effort to produce quality art....and they wonder why these type movies pass by the movie theaters straight to the video store and just sit on the shelf.
KEEP IT UP NOTTA....I ENJOY READING YOUR BLOGS EACH WEEK.
Angela Memphis.
Thank you for your kind comments Angela, I really appreciate that! I need the reassurance and encouragement sometimes!! :)
--Notta
Wow, this is where I go back to my college days. I always tried to be a leader and mediator in the black community. I took this responsibility so far as to moderate not one but two discussions on black male / black female relationships. In the end, my conclusion was that our discussions did more harm than good. Why? And why the hell would anyone make a film like this? And why are we debating this issue?
The answer is because this is the BIGGEST problem in the black community right now. I must admit I have a lot vested in this in light of my current failed relationship with a black woman; however, I now know no matter how much I tried to never deal with the black male/ black female debacle dating back to college, this is the most imperative issue we must figure out as a people. It affects our children, our health, our wealth, our self-worth, our sex lives, and our broader societal perception, need I go on?
Do I have the answers? Nope! But I do have a few suggestions, and I will list them below:
-STOP treating our male / female relationship issues as a Black thing. It's not primarily that - yes we have some pathologies associated with slavery's effect on our relationships (family separation, raping of black women); however, I believe our primary issues are male / female issues, not “black people traits.” By thinking we are incapable of long-lasting relationships because of our Blackness we fall into a self-fulfilling prophecy.
-STOP diving into relationships without really knowing your potential mate. You must ask questions, you must ask questions, you must ask questions, and you must demand answers.
-STOP thinking you can change that person - homie (the brotha) and Bob (not the brotha) ain't going to get a job just because you have a kid with him; sista girl (the sista) and Susie (not the sista) ain't going to stop being materialistic because you need to save for college for the kids; these are male female = human being issues, not just black people issues, but you better take heed
- START being yourself at all costs; if that fly sista who you really like doesn't like the fact that you go bowling every Saturday morning and you think you are going to stop just because she's fly, road to ruin
-START putting yourself first - not selfishly, but honestly; be true to the things that make you happy and make sure you spend your romantic time with those who either are as passionate about your honest pursuits and self-identity or at least value being with you enough to "honor" your true identity; you cannot subsume your needs forever
-START viewing romantic partners as teammates; he must be down for you when the going gets tough; he can't put you on Front Street in front of the crew, but he must then work on team chemistry when you get home and tell you about yourself, obviously this goes both ways
NUMBER ONE RULE - Don't get married before thirty - You are not mature enough yet in the context of today's society. I won't elaborate on this one, but trust VWUNDER1 on it.
By the way, I am so passionate about Black Women (and the sublime truths they bring to my life), no matter the failures, I KNOW that I will find the right woman, who happens to be black.
I won't go on, but I know I could. Check for the book in ‘08.
VWUNDER1
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