Sunday, February 26, 2006

Do I Look Like A Dog???

Ladies, have you ever seen a cute guy -- either from across the room, or walking down the street -- the two of you make eye contact, you start thinking about the possibilities, and then he pulls one of those, "eh, let me talk to you for a minute" (while giving you the finger motion to come here), or worse, the head nod that is supposed to be your signal to approach him?

This happened to me the other day. I was walking down the street with two friends and a guy stepped out of his souped-up Escalade and did the whole "come here for a minute"-thing. I don't get it. Was I supposed to be impressed with his truck and want to come talk to him? As my friends and I discussed, it probably wasn't even his truck!!! But I digress -- maybe some hoodrat would've been impressed and responded to his inappropriate gesture; but again, any woman who is about something wouldn't respond to that.

Now I know there are many men who know better than to pull some mess like that. But for those who don't know any better, let me take this opportunity to "learn" you on some thangs.

First of all, I know your mommas taught you better than to act like that. It is not only rude, but also disrespectful to motion for or call out for a woman like she is a dog. Last time I checked, I didn't have four legs or a tail, so act like you have some home training.

Second of all, any woman who has some self-respect about her is not going to respond to that mess!!! Sure, if all you want is some hoodrat or chick with low self-esteem, then that's definitely the way to go about deciphering those women from those of us who respect ourselves. However, if you're really trying to find a quality woman, you may want to lose that wack-a@@ rap, and step up your game a bit.

But ladies, don't think you're off the hook. As I said a few weeks ago, men only do what you allow them to do. Obviously, some of you are falling for that crap. Here's the thing, STOP FALLING FOR THAT CRAP, and men will stop doing it.

Hey, maybe it's just me. Perhaps other women like to be treated like dogs. Either way, I feel like I need to walk around with a sign on my forehead saying I don't respond to head nods or finger curls.



Anonymous said...

Your article is fine on its face...but how else are two strangers supposed to meet if one doesn't take the initiative to say "um, come over here for a minute." I think it is neither rude nor inappropriate to gesture but merely meant to demonstrate interest and spark conversation; though I can understand a response of "meet me in the middle." Irregardless (ha!), it's what follows the gesture that's important.

To me, feeling that a gesture is inappropriate and that you shouldn't respond is more a sign of low self-esteem than responding. It's more of a reflection of what the woman things that others will think of her ... and not a reflection of confidence in herself. The feeling of "people will think I'm some dog" does not accurately reflect anything that's going on in the man's mind. Rather, he probably thinks you're cute and wants to talk...and there's nothing wrong with that.

Besides, if you respond, then the guy has to follow it up with something intelligent or with more substance. Not responding gives no opportunity to know if the guy has substance. If the finger-curler is cute and you wouldn't mind talking, a confident person should respond and say "I'm here, but you better have more to say than 'come over here'."

Maybe guys should prepare signs to flash to women that they want to meet that says "Hi. I don't want to be rude and gesture so I made this sign to let you know I'm interested in talking to you. But if you think this sign is rude, then keep walking and I'll send you mental messages about my interests and charity work to demonstrate that I'm a good guy. Please note that I don't think you're a chicken-head or anything like that...actually, I can't tell anything about YOU from how you look so I just want to talk and first learn know your name. Mine is Joe."

Notta Golddigger said...

Anonymous, you ask "how else are two strangers supposed to meet if one doesn't take the initiative to say 'um, come over here for a minute?'" Uh, how about you approach the woman to express your interest instead of calling out for her to approach you?

I have to disagree with your contention that not responding to cat calls and the like is a sign of low self-esteem. On the contrary, I think men who do that sort of thing may suffer from esteem issues because they lack the confidence to approach the woman themselves. It's easy to sit from your car or the other side of the room and call out for a woman to come speak to you. It's not so easy, and takes more courage to approach a woman like a gentlemen to express your interest in her.

In any event, I appreciate your side of view.


Anonymous said...

Cat calls is one things, but "hey, come here" is quite another.

Now, don't get me wrong, a woman always has a right to determine what she does and doesn't like. And if she doesn't want to respond to gestures then I see nothing wrong with that at all. My only issue is labeling such actions as disrespectful when no disrespect is intended or naturally follows. The action was merely an introduction, though maybe not to your liking.

People get upset with meaningless actions too much as it is. Maybe we create problem by interpreting what we don't know, which in this case is what type of person the man making the gesture really is. So I propose that you respond to see if there is substance behind the gesture. If not, you can always say see ya later then.

Curry said...

Making sure that you follow a "come here" type comment with body language of your own, indicating that you're willing to meet her half way, is usually a good, happy medium. I might or might not be speaking for all men, but usually we use the whole "come here for a minute" thing just to get you to stop so we have time to get to you (catch up), assuming we're not walking hip to hip. Personally I like a bit of a challenge; I don't want a women that makes everything easy for me. It turns me on to talk to a women who shows obvious signs of strength, so long as she's not outright shooting me down or making me tap dance. But overall I’m kool with a bit of apprehension on the women’s part.

With men it’s all about a challenge … We don’t respect or appreciate anything that we haven’t had to work hard to get. I believe though that some women could make there interest, or lack thereof, a bit more apparent up front. If you’re not interested in talking, just say so. “Hey, you know I’m just not interested” helps us save face & keeps us from having to come up with these hairbrain-azz schemes to get your attention. Keep the “Say shortay, say let me holla at U fa a minute” to the thugs & let them get thug queens … Ha!

thespookwhosatbythedoor said...

LOL at Notta! I too have been subjected to the same lame attempts by men who use a finger curl as a way to begin a conversation with me. Its pompous and arrogant and shows a certain insecurity. A man who is confident in himself will approach a woman he's interested in and introduce himself.

I'm not a dog, and I'm not deaf so don't use sign language and expect me to respond.

tryin2learn said...

I personally agree with the undignified calls that women receive are not right and even the fact that some men will call you out your name when you don’t acknowledge to their advances.

For most men the first introduction is the hardest and most important part of trying to speak to a woman. As men we have to come correct with the right words to make a good impression and to keep the conversation going.

Now correct me if I am wrong but all women are not the same. If I were to come to you and say “Excuse me may I talk to you for a moment” this may be acceptable to you, but not to others. Also that statement may not work on you depending on several things…your mood, how I look and where we are and let not forget your female friends that are with you (You must admit it takes a lot to approach a woman when she is around her female friends)…RUTHLESS!

Some women believe (and I have asked around) they like man to come with some unique witty lines, they like to laugh and some states it depends on how the person looks, He has to appeal to her visually in order to converse with her (kinda the same with how men view women).

This is no easy task nor is there one sure fire way to approach a woman!
I know you may say you can approach a women with respect…some women like thugs and we all know thugs are not respectful (some). It is truly up the women and what she will or will not stand for. If a guy keeps getting turned down for the way he approaches a woman well eventually he will change his approach.

Notta's mom said...

Notta, there is a differrence between being 'stuck-up' and confident enough to not take it personal. Some men are not as fortunate to receive the education required (may it be schooling or from their parents) and might not know that it is demeaning to a woman to treat her that way. And vice versa with the women (or should I say girls), because a woman knows better.
And not everyone is as fortunate to have the looks and choices you have, so try to be a little more lenient and not to judgmental.

Notta's Sista said...

You know it really is all in the approach. While nodding, cat calling and gesturing works for some, it doesn’t for me. If it’s the fear of rejection that is the issue, then why not try eye contact first? You can usually tell whether or not a woman is interested just by eye contact and body language.

It’s funny though that we’re on this topic, because I attended a party over the holidays and had a conversation with a group of men and women about this very same subject. I was shocked to find that one of the brothas admitted to frequently using the, “do you wanna f_ _ k” approach. I almost FELL OUTTA MY SEAT. What tha! The worst part was that he had a high success rate. To him it was a numbers game; it didn’t matter to him how disrespectful he was being; if he offended one sista, he would move right on to the next. Needless to say, none of the sistas at this party were impressed; therefore, he left ALONE. All that being said…apparently there is a market for cat calls and finger curlz, just as there is for tricked out rides and platinum grillz or whatever it’s being called these days. As for this girl, I’ll take a “hi, how are you doing,” any day.

ljh1999 said...

Interesting conversation we're having. I agree with your sista that the boys who will call or gesture to you from across the room or across the street instead of walking up to you are only interested in those, who by their acquiescent response, indicate that they are at some level interested in what they see. This helps curry, by letting him know off the bat whether there is a need to continue the pursuit. When viewed in this context, these types of approaches are quite useful in helping the sophisticated lady weed out those who are cute, but not too creative, without having to endure lengthy and in the end, pointless conversation.

Curry said...

I think I was a bit misunderstood ... 1st impressions are everything. But the opportunity to make one can be difficult if you see an attractive women who happens to be too far away from you to avoid “calling her out”. That doesn’t mean being disrespectful and saying something outrageous and embarrassing, but I have say SOMETHING just to get her to stop. Right? So what’s the right way to do that? “Excuse me ma’am”?

My point is that I don’t expect a women to come to me, I expect to go to her. If I can grab her long enough to get to her, then I’ll insert my creativity at that point. But I’m also a bit old-fashioned; “same thing it takes to get her, is the same thing it takes to keep her.” If you have to start off chasing her & tap-dancing, then you’ll probably end up doing that for awhile. But like I said before, a man won’t respect or appreciate anything that he doesn’t have to work for. Working to get (and hold) a women’s attention can be tough sometimes, or it could be fun, depending on the women.

No cat calls or heckling, just a simple, respectful attention-grabber.

Sunshine said...

I will say that nodding, cat calling, and gesturing don't work for me either; however, Notta, you should consider what Notta's mom said, and understand that sometimes the man who perform such acts are not intentionally trying to be disrepectful.

In addition, it would be interesting to know whether you would not react positivly or be flattered by a cat call or gesture from someone like Michael Jordan, Denzel Washington, or Kobe Bryant? Now, I know that your name is Notta Golddigger, and my question is not meant to suggest that you are, however, I would suppose that most woman on this blog who claim to be offended by cat calls (I include myself) would be flattered by a cat call from the right person.

Luckygirl said...

I think its perfectly fine to respond to the 'hey come here' if the guy is willing to buy dinner, take him up on it, lead him on and make sure you get a witness... and just when he thinks hes gonna score tell him you have to go to the bathroom and the ESCAPE THROUGH THE WINDOW* then you can always make fun of him and post his name in your blog!

*make sure its a 1st story or has an easy escape route!

Notta Golddigger said...

To Sunshine, any guy who thinks it is okay to get my attention with a cat call, or by calling out for me to approach him -- rather than approaching me like a gentlemen -- is not the "right person," be it Denzel Washington, Michael Jordan, or Kobe Bryant. Personally for me, that type of thing doesn't just doesn't fly.

To Notta's Mom, because I choose to have standards does not at all make me stuck-up. Sure, some men may not know that it is demeaning to a woman to treat her that way, but that does not mean that is something I necessarily want to deal with.

However, Notta's Mom, I think it is interesting that in your comment you made excuses for men -- by saying they may not know better, but then you went on to say that women know better, and those who don't know better are just girls.

I think it is interesting that you hold women to a higher standard than men; but I think it is reflective of a bigger problem in our society. Women should know better -- but we should make allowances for men because they may or may not know any better. I think that theory is pervasive in our relationships where, many times, women constantly forgive men for their wrongdoings; but the moment a women messes up (by cheating usually), the man is ghost. Women are expected to be devoted to their men; while "men will be men" is a common saying in our everyday lives.

Just something to consider.


shanabean said...

This sure is interesting reading... Now, being the devil's advocate that I am, I have to ask this question. Who set the standard that a woman approaching a man is a sign of low-self esteem?? Now, I am no fan of Cat calls and head nods for sure and a bit skeptical where finger curls are involved, but who am I to say that because a man choses to use those tatics that he is disrespectful or lacks substance?

I have had similar conversations with men who have repeatedly told me that women just dont know how hard it is to approach a woman and on top of that the responses from women can be downright hurtful. We can not deny that we can be mean especially if we think he is stupid or Let's keep it real.

Im not making excuses for either side, but what I am saying is that different strokes for different folks. Perhaps if you stopped and informed that man that, "you know what, that's not ok, Im not a dog and you might want to reconsider how you approach a woman", you might start a dialogue with a man who may turn out to be a good person, but slightly misled. I mean we are constantly saying that we all need to be more involved in helping our community and comunicating, yet we wont even stop to respectfully correct a wayward brotha.
If women respond and never tell him its wrong and why, what is his motivation to change it?? Just a thought.
I say this, If you dont like it, you can chose to ignore it or correct it. But more importantly we can not continue to label people so harshly over something that may be easily addressed.

I mean really, would you throw away a pair of $100 sexy boots, because of a scratch!